User Profile

"And the storm rushes in...But it makes me feel like I'm alive again..."

"Love is an Epic-level challenge..." Oots #215

"I never said I'm your hero, I just said I'm another person trying to do what's right while wondering in the wind."

"That simple smile holds a golden light so golden..."

I bet a lot of you that have this journal know me as Casey. Well, that name is only true in part. My other name is Aerinity, Aerinity Sersecion. Yes that may sound strange and you may be wondering what kind of drugs I'm on, but if you want to know the truth, the real story to my past, then ask me, and I shall answer your questions to the best extent that I see fit.

I'm a easy coast college kid, living in a west coast fantasy world.

I'm 23, technically bi-sexual (more of a lesbian then bi though, girls are hott, and I guess some guys are too), Just call me a 4 on the Kinsey sexual preference scale!

I grew up in Maine, went to Canaan Elementary, in an itty bitty town called Canaan where everyone knew your business all the time and there were no family secrets. Or was everything a family secret? It's hard to tell sometimes when I look back at things. I heard so much gossip, but at the same time, no one ever helped me now did they? I was abused for years. I was hurt, hit, yelled at and told I was nothing. I had your stereotypical dysfunctional family, with a few more twists thrown in there here and there.

I barely remember any of my childhood. I remember keeping secrets in school and being made fun of a lot for my weight. I always had weight problems. I'm still fighting with them today, but at least I'm better with them now. I know now my body frame is actually more masculine and a good amount of my weight is because of muscle. I can bench when I'm not working out around 150lbs and leg press while not working out around 300lbs. When I'm working out my bench is around 200lbs and my leg press is around 500lbs.

I went to Skowhegan Area high school, which I hated every minute of it. Freshman year was good then all my friends graduated. I was an outcast, and I was happy with being an outcast, but nearly everyone else in the school was too busy trying to be popular and stab each other in the back that I knew. I was surrounded by phonies and assholes that I didn't want to deal with. Not to mention at this time when I was trying to find myself, everyone else was trying to get others approval. So I didn't conform and I didn't deal with the assholes and back stabbers. That time sucked in general, my parents and I were fighting all the time. I got kicked out of my house more then I care to remember. I also found at this time my mother was a self-centered manipulative bitch and my father was no better. I thought I loved them, and what they did was love. I learned differently. I hate my parents, and the only way I can stand them now is to think of them as people. I forgive them for what they did to me, but I can't think of them as my mother and father.

I made it through school with good grades. I never really tried, I was always fucking around. I did homework when I needed to in order to keep my grades good and nothing else. I have an IQ of 150 (I know that doesn't mean shit in one sense, but at the same time....urgh) and honestly I don't try unless I have to. I've breezed through college thus far with minimal effort in all reality. I try sometimes, mostly in my first year, but the following ones have mostly been bullshiting. Don't get my wrong, I've learned things, I learn a lot actually. I'm just generally one of those people that once you explain it once, I understand.

My first year in high school I started making a plan to leave Maine forever. As pretty as it is, and as beautiful and calm. I hated it. I hated the secrets, the conservative nature, the opposition to who and what I was. (I am a spiritual, moderate, open-minded, considerate, lesbian (or at least close enough)) I was 14 and I came up with a 6 year plan to get myself out of Maine, hopefully forever. In high school I found out I was gay and I hid it for quite some time, only in my senior year did I really start coming out. My own initiation into my coming out was me wearing a rather obvious button that read "Excuse me for missing church yesterday I was busy practicing witchcraft and becoming a lesbian". Yes, I was trying to shock and amuse people.

I got into college easily. I only applied for one because I thought I was worthless and no college would ever want me. I quickly learned differently as I continued my college education at the University of Maine at Farmington. People liked me for me. People got crushes on me, people liked me for who I was and what I stood for. My self esteem slowly crept from (as I jokingly called it) -100 back into positive numbers. (the whole rate yourself on a scale of 1-10 joke). My confidence and self-assured manners helped me to realize this. Even if I did have a break down my first semester into college. (I was working around 30hrs a week, with 16 credits (at a semester college) and trying to take care of other matters (family, social, etc))

UMF was one of the most wonderful things that has ever happened to me. It brought me back to me. It showed me I was smart and I was worthwhile. That I was worth something. That people could like me and that I could be quite charming. That my opinions and feelings where not worthless and that I was lovable. That I could be popular and liked just for saying what I thought and being kind and gentle.

Yes, I am 5'9" tall, yes I am overweight and amazingly strong, but I am a gentle giant. I love life and I love people. I rarely drink and I don't smoke. I don't do drugs and I never want to. I'm, in a strange way, a health freak. But being poor in Maine you can't get good healthy food.

No, not everything in life has been handed to me. I've had to work for nearly everything I've ever wanted. Yes, I have a lot of nice things, but that's because I've worked and saved and scraped to get them. I work part time for as many hours as I can. I've been working on and off since I was 5. Yes, you heard me. 5. I did under the table work, getting a little money for myself here and there. I've been working regularly part time since I was 13 though. Yes, I've been working regularly for 9 years now, and I don't have the kind of money to stop working either.

Now I'm 22 and I've moved across the country my 6 year plan worked with much better and worse then I ever thought it would at the same time. In my past year and a half of living in Northern California I've had a lot of problems and a lot of good times, I've met more amazing people and I love them, as well as my east coast friends right to death. Things have gone up and down and I'm beginning to realize some things that people with different backgrounds may find obvious, but for people like me, liking myself, and being okay with me aren't easy things to do. Growing up in an unstable environment makes you have to fight a billion times harder just to be a stable person and to try to make sure that you don't do things to hurt yourself or others around you, even without intention to do so.

I've been a sister, a friend, a mother, a cutter, a band geek, a D&D geek, an anime fan, a writer, an independent, a freedom fighter, a musician, someone who's thought of suicide, someone who knows they have problems, someone who has depression, someone who is educated, intuitive and empathetic. I am soft and gentle and when angry hard and hurtful. I am someone that when I finally become angry, I always have a right to be. I am logical, emotional, kind, caring, compassionate, giving and loving. But I am constantly analyzing everything and trying to figure out everyone's point of view and understand where each person is coming from and why they are thinking that way. I will always try to accept people for who they are, and not who I want them to be. People have flaws, I have flaws, when you love a person you love their flaws too, because without those, they would not be the person you know.

Yes, this is my life, do you still want to know more?

gay pride is love
brought to you by the isLove Generator

"Is this so horrible? --- "As far as the insecurity thing, yes, I have noticed that. Lots of women have huge huge huge!!! issues with that. And it sucks for me even more because I want to treat any women I'm with like a goddess, because that's what I believe a woman deserves to be treated like. All women are goddess and deserve the respect, caring, concern, support, tolerance, understanding, a shoulder to cry on, a ear to listen, a hand to hold, doors to be held open for them, chairs to be pulled out for them, little random surprises just to make them smile, someone to make them laugh, a reason to have a smile on their faces, someone that will be honest, and strong for them when they can not be and so on." --- From me.

Please also understand that with this statement there is much more. I can not be your super hero 24/7, I want to be your Dark Knight, I want to help when I can and be there when we're both available. I have a life, you have a life as well, and unfortunately sometimes life gets in the way of pleasure. I can not be your everything, nor do I want to be your everything. The stress and strain of constant support is something I can not give. If you want someone who will always come when you call, someone who always will be there for you day and night whenever you desire... that's not me. I am not a puppy that sits at the front door waiting for the door to open. I have school and work, and those things come first. I am determined and hard working and I have goals and I intend to stick too them. (most of the time depending on the situation. I mean I am willing to slack on school work to spend some time with someone I care about, or even do school work with them! Just to be around them. Heck occasionally I'm even willing to call out of work to spend time with you, just don't expect me to plan my entire life around you, compromise with me and I'll more then gladly compromise with you too). I will love you in my own way, and sometimes that may be confusing, but please, don't let my own insecurities make you doubt my love for you. At times I am quiet and I hide things, sometimes I may seem distant. It's nothing you've done wrong, and if there is something you've done wrong, or you're afraid it might be, ask me, talk to me, I'm willing to talk, I'm always willing to talk. In fact, I probably want to talk to you about it but I just am not sure how. Relationships are based on communication and if you can't communicate why are you trying to have a relationship? Are you trying to better yourself? If so, that's fantastic. I have some problems with it too, we can work on them together then! ^_^

I am happy being in the same room as the person I care about when we've both been really busy. I am happy watching the occasional movie and cuddling. I like just being in the presence of the people I care about. As long as they're around I feel comfortable and somewhat safe. I will bring random gifts for no reason, I will pay for dinner, I will open doors and pull out chairs, I will try to respect your wishes when you don't want something done, but sometimes I forget, or sometimes I just don't understand. Tell me exactly what you want and I will try, but I am only human. Just keep that in mind too please. I have flaws and sometimes I get scared and I don't know what to do.




[x] Part 1 -- The Basics [x] </td>
What's your name? ::: Aerinity
Birthplace ::: Lynn
Age ::: 23
Age you act ::: sometimes
Current location ::: Sunhill Apts Hayward, CA.
Eye color ::: Blue/green
Hair color ::: brownish
Right, lefty or ambidextrous? ::: Ambidextrous.
Zodiac sign? ::: Sag/ox
Height? ::: 5' 9 and a half
[x] Part 2 -- Describe... [x] </td>
Your heritage/nationality ::: mutt
Your hair ::: Too long for me, I need a hair cut. (shoulder length)
Your fears ::: hurting those I love
Your perfect room ::: Much closer...
[x] Part 3 -- What is/are... [x] </td>
Words you overuse ::: fantastic, meow, mew, what, ok, Awesome, oh?
Phrases you overuse ::: rock on, a whole new level of what the fuck, FTW, made of win
Your first thought when you wake up ::: Time to get up all ready? Okay... Shower time!
Your greatest accomplishment ::: Being found.
Something you want to do ::: Find love.
[x] Part 4 -- This or that [x] </td>
Pepsi or Coke ::: soda is bad for you.
McDonald's or Burger Kings ::: that's disgusting
Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera ::: If I had to choose, Christina. But a much better choice would be K's Choice, Imogen Heap, Vermillion Lies or Amanda Palmer.
Chocolate or vanilla ::: Vanilla
Adidas or Nike ::: Eh
Black or white ::: Either
Bills or Coins ((Think $$$)) ::: Bills
Burgers or hot dogs ::: burgers
Egypt or France ::: Egypt
Rock or rap ::: Rock
[x] Part 5 -- Do you...[x] </td>
Smoke ::: No
Cuss ::: Yes, trying to change that...
Sing well ::: People say I do.
Sing in the shower ::: All the time.
Talk to yourself --a lot-- ::: Oh yes.
Believe in yourself ::: I believe I'll always try.
Like taking these longass surveys? ::: sometimes.
Play an instrument ::: Yes- Clarinet, bass clarinet, bells, guitar and going to learn piano.
Want to go to college? ::: I am in college, fucking teeny-boppers.
Want to get married? ::: Yes. It is one of my life goals.
Want to have children? ::: Yes. It is one of my life goals. I want to adopt at least one, probably a teenager
Think you're a health freak? ::: More as opposed to less.
Get along with your parents ::: No.
Get along with your siblings? ::: Don't have any.
Think you're popular ::: Enough. ^_^
[x] Part 6 -- In the past month have you..[x] </td>
Gone out of state ::: Nope
Drank alchohal ::: Yes.
Smoke ::: No
Get high ::: no
Done any drugs ::: no
Eaten an entire box of oreos ::: no
Been on stage ::: Yes.
Gone skinny dipping ::: No, a little too cold for that right now.
Been dumped ::: No
Dyed your hair ::: no
Stolen anything ::: No
[x] Part 7 -- Your friends! =D [x] </td>
Craziest ::: Eric
Loudest ::: Jacqui/Heather/Cathy/Matt
Most shy ::: Savannah
Blondest ::: Jess/Heather
Smartest ::: Cathy
Kindest ::: Sarah/Minga/Jolene
Best personality ::: Toss up, they all have good personalities.
Most talented ::: Rachel
Best singer ::: Me?
Most ghetto ::: Minga! ^_^ love you girl.
Drama Queen ((or King XP)) ::: Matt.
Pain in the ass ::: CATHY!!! J/k, just playin'; all of them at their own times.
The one you just want to strangle to death ((Homer Simpson style))::: Eric sometimes.
Funniest ::: They all have their moments.
Best person for advice ::: Rachel/Nicole/Minga/Frank
Dependable ::: Heather (she forgets every once in a while though! -_^)
Trustworthy ::: Sarah/Jolene/Rachel/Frank/Minga
Druggie ::: None
Most likely to end up in jail ::: Eric
Person you've known the longest ::: Eric
[x] Part 8 -- The Last... [x] </td>
Last dream ::: All I remember out of it was being on the phone with who I thought was my soul mate in the dream.
Last nightmare ::: I had a string of them a while back, not so much recently though.
Car ride ::: Dunno.
Last time you cried ::: Cried? Um, last week.
Last movie seen ::: The Simpsons Movie
Last movie rented ::: Dunno, netflix sends 'em 3 at a time.
Last book read ::: The Case of the Not so Nice Nurse by Mable Maney
Last word said ::: bye
Last curse word said ::: Fuck
Last time you laughed ::: Earlier while trading stories with Debi
Last phone call ::: Aounr 1pm
Last CD played ::: Lifehouse, first cd.
Last song you listened to ::: "Apres Moi" cover by Amanda Palmer
Last annoyance ::: Lack of sleep and moody friends.
Last IM ::: J-kitty
Last weird encounter ::: *shrug*
Last person you hugged ::: Frank
Last person you yelled at ::: Huh... seriously? No one.
Last time you wore a skirt ::: Serenity's graduation dinner with all the other graduation kids...
Last time you've been evil ::: Earlier *grin*
Sarcastic? ::: Me? No! Never!
Last time you fought with your parents ::: Over two years ago.
Last time you wished upon a star ::: Past few months?
Played Truth or Dare ::: yeah, no idea how long ago...
Spent quality time alone ::: Mmmm, as often as possible.
[x] Part 9 -- I swear this is the last one! -- Randomness [x] </td>
Are you talking to someone on AIM ::: Yup.
Do you feel lonely ::: Sorta.
Ever TP'd someone's house ::: No
How about egging someone's house ::: No
Do you not like dislike not like me? ::: No idea.
Ain't Eminem and 50 Cent just fine? ::: Goddess no.
Yo Momma ::: Okay? What about her? I'll save you some time, if you're going to diss her, yes, you're probably right.
Ever been so hungry you felt like you could eat the person next to you? ::: No.
What do you think of George Bush? ::: He's gone! YAY!
Any secret fetishes? ::: Pin stripes, bitch boots, um, handcuffs look like fun, all sorts of stuff really.
Do you like to wear chains? O_o ::: Sometimes, it's fun and honestly a little arousing.
How many languages do you speak? ::: um, fluently, two. kinda, 3, and could survive, like 5.
Damn.. are your fingers tired? Cause mine sure are! ::: Kinda.
Glad this is over? ((Say yes and I'll stalk you XP)) ::: Huzzah!

LiveJournal Tarot Cards One World aerinity A single person standing, lost, as the rain pelts them heavily. Looking up towards the sky, in a look of ever searching hope. Divinatory Meanings: The lord of the skies, the giver of life and freedom. Bringer justice to those who deserve it and love to those who don't. One person standing alone against the cold world and disastrous odds, but there is still hope that can they can use to pull them forward, only if they don't loose sight of the silver lining of the clouds that bring the cold rain down upon them. Reversed: Lost hope, grounding, taking of life (Physical or maybe even an end to an old chapter in life, or to an old train of thought). Love could be lost, but for the better, being backed by many people when one person needs it the most because of their lost hope. Spirit and Power: Take what you can see, use your own power to raise your spirit. To soar above the clouds is part of your purpose, but until then, use the strength that hope gives up to raise your spirit and use the power in your spirit to motivate your body to move on.

Make your own LiveJournal Tarot Card!
Brought to you by crossfire_




So lets destroy the beautiful, lets raise up the damned, let us call upon those with beauty and tell them where they stand. Tell them they're no good, tell them they don't deserve to live, tell them they should hide away, tell them they should scram. So let us destroy the beautiful and let us raise up the damned because in all reality, isn't this where we stand? -- Me.

"I've become so numb, broken into pieces, I can't feel myself anymore, and now I know what life is like through your eyes..." -- Me

"A leaders courage shines through the darkest moment of their tragic lives... Watch my courage shine through the darkness. The darkness that surrounds our lives." -- Aerinity


I will warn you now, if you do not all ready know. This is a journal for my internal monolouge. This is my deep dark thoughts, the tortures and depressions that go through my mind. The happy accompanied by the sad. These are MY thoughts, MY feelings, MY ideals, and this is MY world.

Welcome to my world.

Aerinity



I am not for everyones eyes.





"We're gamers. We don't die. We just re-roll."

Friends (54):

Mutual Friends (42):

Also Friend of (7):